For a while now, well pretty much the entire past year, I feel like I have been having a crafting identity crisis. There are so many things I want to do (you can tell from my ever growing Crafty To Do List), feel like I can do, start to do, but totally lack the motivation for.
Here is an example: For weeks I have been turning the pages of Seams To Me and looking at the pin cushion project. And yesterday, when I finally got myself into the basement sewing, it was just a total mess. I did fine picking fabrics and cutting them out. I really liked the mixture of green and blue scraps I chose and was actually excited to get sewing. The sewing, it was icky. I think it was a combination of my rushing/excitement/anxiousness and some issues with the pattern (after sewing the 8 pieces together and making the tube, the outside was an entire piece too wide and I watched my seam allowances, something just wasn't right) that made this project destined to be part of the trash pile.
My Sunday afternoon sewing left me wondering if I have been kidding myself about this sewing stuff. Maybe I am not as capable as I thought. Maybe my lack of motivation just has me feeling blah. Maybe I was forcing myself to create something because I feel it has been weeks since I had something good to share with all of you.
So I turned out the basement lights, went upstairs and planted myself on the sofa with a soda and a lifetime movie on the tv. I know, pretty sad. After a while I decided a little pampering was in order and painted my nails bright Little Red Wagon red (actually, it was needed, the pinning and stuffing I did while sewing totally tore up my nails). I guess that was as creative as I was meant to be yesterday because the only other fulfillment I got was seeing a piled high basket of nicely folded laundry ready to be put away. I am not sure what that says about me right now.
I promise that I am not giving up! But, I am going to honor this struggle and give myslef the freedom to not feel like I have to force myself to create. I have to remember that create doesn't have to be defined as sewing - last week I did create a logo, knit 3/4 of a fuzzy red scarf, cook a big pot of soup and loads of twice-baked potatoes (I was trying to recreate 2 of Mom’s signature dishes that there isn’t a recipe for), and motivated my Pops to start exercising again. That has to count for something, right?